Have you ever had the sensation that you were drowning? Do you actually have to work at just breathing? Is it physical or emotional? If your answer is ‘Yes, both,’ perhaps you are intimately acquainted with depression. You can’t really explain it to anyone else, can you? Let me quote someone who sent a note in response to my first article on the subject.

I sometimes feel that Depression can be the glass wall between you and God –and you finding a healthy church home relationship (if that is possible.) If you are in the murky pool of depression whether it be chemical or situational, the abstract concept that life will be only better after you’re dead, or you will live for eternity with a God that doesn’t seem very concerned about your here and now, is sometimes too painful a concept to deal with.

Add to that mix the concept that God Himself has abandoned you and the pain is unthinkable.

Does God ever actually, finally and ultimately forsake one who is truly His child, born of His Spirit, chosen, redeemed, adopted and accepted in the Beloved? I have often told the Lord that even after nearly 47 years of being in Christ, as sinful as I still am, as corrupt as my heart remains, as full of pride, He would, even now, be just to kill me and send me to hell, EXCEPT for the everlasting fact that my sins were transferred to Christ’s account on the Cross and His righteousness transferred to my account!! God cannot lie! “I have no other argument; I have no other plea: it is ENOUGH that Jesus died, and that He died for…ME!” I don’t care what my heart says. It is deceitful and desperately wicked. I don’t care what the Slanderer says. Jesus has called him a liar.

Dear, so very dear to God; dearer I could not be.

For in the Person of His Son, I’m just as dear as He.

Jesus, carrying my trash in His bosom, cried, “My God! My God! Why have You forsaken Me?” Listen to me: BECAUSE HE WAS, I CANNOT BE FORSAKEN!

But, sometimes He chooses to be silent in our experience. He seems to be a Universe away. Or, nonexistent. We know better, theologically. But we cannot deny the reality of our experience. Perhaps reality is the wrong word. But every fiber of our being screams, “Reality! He’s gone! He has left me.”

Sometimes we know why He has appeared to, well, disappear; sometimes we don’t. If we know we have grieved the Holy Spirit, we understand that we have quenched the fire of His Presence experientially. We can accept His discipline, the chastisement of silence. And we can confess our specific sin, when that is the case, and anticipate the restoration of the joy of His salvation, joy inexpressible and full of glory. Now remember, God is not a machine, He is a Person. We are cultivating a personal relationship. That’s not just a matter of saying all the right words; it’s a heart thing. Time is involved. Confession must be immediate. Forgiveness is promised. But relationships are dynamic, not automatic. But the Father wants our fellowship more than we want His. Restoration will come, if sin is the cause and is dealt with.

But that’s not always the reason for the sense of ‘desertion.’ A physician of the soul must start with helping you examine yourselves to be sure Christ is in you and you in Him. He must help you face any unresolved guilt. But what if that doesn’t fix it? Let’s assume the Holy Spirit, through His Word, has given you assurance of your salvation, and has not convicted you of any unconfessed sin, even though you have sincerely asked Him to search your heart. He is quite capable of doing that, you realize. Have you considered the possibility that you are free at the moment of any unconfessed sin? “So what is it? What’s wrong with me?”

You’d better sit down for this one. It could be demonic. “But I’m a Christian!” All the more reason to consider the possibility. Don’t swallow the “If I don’t bother the devil, he won’t bother me” lie. I trust you don’t put any confidence in what I call the Baptist monkeys, ‘Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil.’ Sometimes, the Holy Spirit seems absent because the demonic is so tangibly present.

Two decades ago, at a Texas Baptist Evangelists’ retreat, a brother shared a stunning testimony. He had been pastor of a very large church in Texas. He had a doctorate from Southwestern Seminary. He was a brilliant man. They say he wrote out his sermon in full manuscript but didn’t carry a note in the pulpit; he would look just over the heads of the congregation and “see” his sermon word for word. But he suffered from depression. He left his church and became an “evangelist,” that is, he traveled full time and preached all over the Southern Baptist Convention. He was scheduled 50 weeks a year. This brother shared his experience with us, although at the time it seemed a little too clinical to me. He seemed to keep his heart somewhat covered, and remained professional. He spoke of his experiences with psychiatrists and medicines and was enthusiastic about the benefits of ECT, shock therapy. It had all worked together to ‘save’ him, so it seemed.

Rick Scarborough was president of the Conference of Texas Baptist Evangelists at the time. After this brother spoke, Rick got up and expressed his appreciation and our compassion to him. Then, very graciously, Rick suggested, to all of us, the possibility of another source to consider for deep emotional problems, demons. You’ve got to realize that two decades ago, preachers didn’t talk much about psychiatrists or admit to needing counseling. After all, people came to us for help; we didn’t go to someone else. (Some of us still don’t.) And another thing Baptists didn’t talk about was the demonic. We’d preach about the devil and Satanism; that makes sensational “revival” preaching. But to speak of demons made it a little to close too home. You see, there is only one Satan, and unless a preacher had an overinflated ego, most didn’t really think he was important enough to actually be attacked by the Dragon himself. Billy Graham, sure, but not me!

But there are a lot of demons; plenty to go around. And we didn’t really want to stir up a hornets’ nest or to admit we could be infested. Deliberate ignorance doesn’t make them go away.

Later that year, the brother who shared his experience with us at the retreat, drove out in the West Texas countryside with a shotgun and ended his life on this earth.

POSSIBILITIES

When you are depressed, you should get with a physician of the soul. Allow him to help you through the steps of self-examination: make sure you actually do have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Make sure you are not harboring any unresolved guilt.

But don’t get morbid in your introspection. The Holy Spirit convicts us of real sin; He doesn’t condemn us with a vague sense of guilt.

See a doctor. It may be something physiological. When I use the term, ‘physician of the soul,’ I mean your pastor.

But a doctor can’t give you a pill for spiritual issues. It’s not an either/or deal. Do both.

Ask your pastor to help you or get you some help in the area of being attacked spiritually.

These are some possibilities of the causes of depression, clinical or spiritual. It is often difficult to determine which is which. It can be both monsters under the same bed.

HOWEVER

Suppose all the above have been dealt with or eliminated, and still you feel deserted.

Next time we’ll address the possibility that your sense of abandonment is actually the sovereign choice of your Heavenly Father. For the moment, keep the truth in your heart that everything He does is for His glory and our ultimate good.

Your fellow pilgrim,

Dan

PS Self-murder is never a viable option. Never.